1. What we dealt with: Anger, violence, destruction of property, assault, verbal assaults, dishonesty. Have they gotten better? Dramatically so, primarily over the past six months.

Advice... never give up. These kids have been abandoned by so many people, they think everyone will abandon them. By giving up, you prove them right. It's hard. It's frustrating. It's scary sometimes. It's also do-able. www.radkid.org has a lot of good information.

Ask everything. When we interviewed with the county, we had about 3 pages of questions. In retrospect, I would have been more detailed... Is there a pattern of acting out? (ours is on a monthly cycle). How is acting out manifested? Has therapy been successful in the past? Does he participate in therapy? Does he want to be adopted? Why does he want to be adopted? What healthy connections does he have in his life? (ours still keeps in touch with a couple of previous foster homes and foster sibs, and we encourage that). Can he bond with people? What does that bond look like?

Specific rules... the big one that I wish I'd instituted early on was that he ask for everything. Ask for permission to get a drink, get a snack, even use the restroom. That's suggested in a lot of the RAD therapy books I've read and it makes sense. Our son asks for nothing at all... ever. He either waits for us to notice he needs something or he goes behind our back to avoid asking. He does not understand that he can ask for what he needs, and 99% of the time, the answer will be yes.

2. Lark Eschelman in Lancaster is supposedly amazing. Her wait for CBHMP insured kids is 6-12 months. Our success with non-RAD therapists was 50/50. The first one just didn't really connect with Tyson well and he'd shut down during every therapy session. Now we have FBMHS through Diakon, and Sue and Justin have been amazing.